This part of my blog is to share the ramblings I usually keep to myself. I do not hold myself in high regard of inspirational knowledge. I am not a trained person in psychology or counseling. I am simply a normal person trying to figure out my past that formed me into an adult who wants to transform and better myself.
For a very long time, I felt a pull to use my past to not only help me but possibly others. Yet doubt always triumphed my willingness to begin this journey. The long list of why not was constantly looming over me—I suck at writing, I will say the wrong things, I was scared of the criticism and well no one wants to read anything I write.
However, God doesn’t give up on us. I find myself thinking of the people of Israel when Moses rescued them from Egypt. They doubted God, doubted Moses and doubted themselves in their choice to leave Egypt:
“‘We wish the Lord had put us to death in Egypt. There we sat around pots of meat. We are all the food we wanted. But you have brought us out into this desert. You must want this entire community to die of hunger.’”-Exodus 16:3
Lord heard their cries and answered by providing bread for the Israelites, however, they still struggled with their faith and obedience in the Lord. Moses tells them to not keep any until morning, yet some didn’t listen and in the morning the bread “…But it was full of maggots and begin to stink.” (Exodus 16:20)
After multiple similar of events of disobedience, God says:
“Then the Lord spoke to Moses. He said ‘How long will all of you refuse to obey my commands and my teachings?’” (Exodus 16: 28)
God has commanded me to start writing, to start a blog, yet instead of believing God will provide for me, I am being like the Israelites. I am questioning His abilities and commands. I am not placing my faith in Him, God the one who gave His only son to die for my sins, so that I can walk the path God has planned for me.
This isn’t an easy path for me, but if I continue to let fear and doubt control me then how could I achieve what God is asking of me? Sure my writings may have grammatical errors, maybe I babble, yes I will insult a few or others will disagree with me. Here it is, a blog that touches on everything I love and an outlet to express my thoughts.
I refuse to let the scared girl of my past influence my future any longer. She is part of me; the past has shaped me into the person I am today, but her faults of not trusting God will no longer hinder me.
“God’s grace has saved you because of your faith in Christ. Your salvation doesn’t come from anything you do. It is God’s gift. It is not based on anything you have done. No one can brag about earning it. We are God’s creation. He created us to belong to Christ Jesus. Now we can do good works. Long ago God prepared these works for us to do.”-Ephesians 2:8-10
I won’t be the scared little girl anymore