July 5, 2019
theputnamlady

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MEH

Life of going great, it’s summer, everyone’s healthy, social life is good, family life is good, but for some reason, I feel like I’m in the world of meh.

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. No, it’s that I feel stuck. Sometimes being a stay at home momma can feel endlessly repetitive with non-important daily routines.

I know in my heart I’m doing the most important job I will ever have the privilege to work. However, I feel the need to work on my passion; fulfill my inner desires for success.

At the same I having to learn patience for the right timing. For the past year, I’ve worked on passing the ACE Personal Trainer Test and started focusing on this blog.

I knew this idea or goal couldn’t be instant. That my next step can’t start until the kids are back in school, but my desire for instant gratification keeps causing my meh.

This morning, I got up at 5:30 to start my day. I decided to sit on my back porch and start my day absorbing in nature and the quietness.

Those few moments of quite time in the morning before the world seems to be awake is what I need. My world is constantly loud with kids, dogs, tv, radio, my phone, and well everything in our modern society.

As writing this blog, I kept thinking about Walden by Henry David Thoreau. I recall reading the book in college and wishing that I could spend time in the woods like he did-only for a much shorter time.

It’s been too many years since I’ve read the book so I read it again, well chapter 1 and 5.

Here are a few quotes from chapter 1, Economy in Walden:

“Most men, even in this cooperatively free country, through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious care and superfluously coarse labors of life that its finer fruit cannot be plucked by them”

“Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines or indicates, his fate.”

Those quotes resonstanted inside of me. I realize I am meh because I have created this negative opinion of myself, I have began this feeling of failure, and thus loosing my ability to see the truth and beauty around me.

I have lost touch with what God made-nature. Here lately when I do my bible readings or prayer, there is noise all around me. This has caused me to be occupied with superfluously items and losing my connection with myself and God.

I am allowing myself to look around at my blessings and not smile about them. Maybe at this time, I am not personal training or doing group training, but I will have the chance one day if I keep my belief in myself.

The truth is that I will miss these summer days of cuddling my kids on the couch, having nothing to do, but whatever we want.

I know now that God me wanted to reconnect to Him through His gift of nature. To find peace by slowing down, listening to the birds, the rain, the tree and so on just like Henry David Thoreau.

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