All week, I’ve felt God placing on my mind to write more about my journey and how one simple, yet enormous change in myself, changed everything for me. Honestly, I’ve pushed it off because of the endless to-do list and simply unsure how to say it.
Then today at church our preacher told something about excerpt from the Lord’s Prayer that if I was a loud, extrovert I would have jumped up and yelled hallelujah!
Our preacher said that it doesn’t say weekly or occasional bread, but that God wants us to turn to Him DAILY!
At that moment in church, I wanted to start writing this blog entry because I kne God saying for me stop making excuses and to do it now.
In the past I kept a safe distance from God. I believed in God, I went to church, but honestly I didn’t fully open myself to Him. I was too afraid to give my whole life to Him and to dedicate myself daily because I was afraid of rejectment.
My past self dealt a lot with abandonment, being last choice or not feeling wanted by those closest to me. My past self never felt good enough for God. That He had better choices and to me that was evident in the life I was handed.
I was the victim and I refused to see myself any other way. I was in an endless cycle of pity and self-harm because I refused to face the truth.
I would say it was earlier this year, I decided something needed to change in my life because I needed to stop crying over the same things. I realized that my first step was my relationship with God. I knew God was trying to build our relationship, I just needed to show Him that I was serious.
I decided to stop the excuses of why I didn’t have time for daily prayer and my bible study, and how I only gave 3/4 of me. I started getting up at 5:15 each morning to read, to pray and reflect. Believe me that was hard, because life tempted to me to quit. The baby would wake up at 4:30 or I had a restless sleep, but I convinced myself that a few obstacles weren’t going to stop me.
Just like fitness, if I can’t workout at my usual time, I do it later in the day. I rarely let excuses win, because fitness isn’t an option, it’s a lifestyle. I realized at this moment want God had been leading me to—God directed me to start working out, then He led me to being a Fitness Instructor.
This was to show me how I can dedicate myself, overcome my inner obstacles, and continuously improve myself and to shut down my past self who said I could never measure up.
If I can believe so fully in myself in fitness, not only for myself, but also as being a teacher to others, then why can’t I apply that with my relationship with God.
I decided to stop letting fear of being hurt, the idea that I wasn’t good enough to stop be from what was truly going to be the best adventure I ever made.
Once I started giving myself daily to God, I stopped seeing myself as the victim and I showed Him that I was serious, and God started leading me to things I thought I wasn’t ever going to receive.
To be honest, it’s been a wild ride here lately. First it was a podcast I randomly came acorss that inspired me to write this blog. Then this same podcast led me to one book that has lead me down a rabbit hole of wonderful books. God is continuously leading me to people and outlets to work bettering myself and to see His wonderful work.
One issue I had about writing this blog is that I wanted to talk about the one book that made a huge change in my life, but the issue it’s not, well I guess I would say Christian based.
Then today at church, the sermon was about learning something from someone with different views. I’ve never felt bad about reading this book, actusally I felt closer to God while reading the book.
The book is called You are a Badass by Jen Sincero. The wild thing is that I bought this book 2-years ago and I liked it, but I never read the whole book. That time of life, I wasn’t ready to give God 100% and that showed with how I stopped reading a book 1/4 of the way through.
Then I pick up this book when I am serious and I engulf it within a week. I keep thinking wow, I didn’t get any of these feelings/thoughts 2-years ago. God is like, duh you weren’t ready yet.
In the book, she uses the term “universe” instead of God to reach a larger audience, but honestly I could turn many things she said as relatable to the Bible.
She teaches about stopping your past self from telling your present self who they are, can be or do. To learn to stop being the victim to your past, to move forward even though you’re scared because when we listen to the “universe” we can accomplish the impossible.
Here are a few quotes:
The past me wanted to say I was wrong for reading this book because it would allow “the devil” into my life. I knew that was wrong and I ignored her because she doesn’t have control of my life.
Honestly, I needed that little push to show me how I was right. If I hadn’t read this book from someone with different “beliefs” from me (and they aren’t different, only worded different) then my journey to strengthen my relationship with God, my self-improvement and my learning wouldn’t have came this far.
This is one of the hardest, yet rewarding changes in my life. Once I realized that God isn’t against me, but trying to help me see that things are hard, scary and yet worth every second.
I have an expiration date and I want to stop wanting for life to instantly change for me without me changing myself.
I say all the time to stop letting excuses stop you from beginning your fitness journey, but I needed to also apply to my relationship with God and myself. I am improving myself on the inside now, letting the past me no longer be in my future.
It will be continuous work, but God has a plan for me.
What’s holding you back? Ask your future self what she/he would do and do it!